I always wanted to be a writer; from the time I was 3, I told everyone within earshot that that was what I was going to be when I grew up. My parents, however, weren’t so confident in such an unstable profession and pushed me in a more “practical” direction. (Perhaps they were psychics, and given the current state of the media, maybe I should have listened.)
It might surprise you to learn that I was (am?) a math whiz. I could solve derivatives and differential equations like nobody’s bidness. I took nearly three years of Calculus in high school. Heck, I even placed third in Tennessee’s state Calculus II championships. (Um, did I really just admit that on the Internet?)(Yes, yes, I did.)(I should add not only did I play just about every sport under the sun, but I did show choir AND Mathletes. It’s all about diversity, ya know.)
My parents pushed me to do something math-related like the rest of the fam (all of whom are CPAs), so I majored in math at Sewanee for two years, before realizing that once you reach the point of no return—when numbers completely disappear to make way for complex matrices and quantum theories—math isn’t exactly so much fun anymore. Thus, I transferred to UT and pursued my childhood dream of journalism. Considering the following things that make me feel the onset of coronary each time they occur, I’d say I chose the right career path:
*Every time a Starbucks barista orders up an “eXpresso,” I want to scream: “YOU WORK AT A COFFEE SHOP AND CAN’T EVEN PRONOUNCE ESPRESSO PROPERLY?”
*I have a hard time ending a sentence with a preposition. Even on this informal blog. I’m trying to be better about this, because really “From where are you coming?” sounds far more douchey than “Where are you coming from?” but it pains me every time I do it incorrectly. Also, I’m trying to be better about texting casually without worrying about punctuating every sentence and contraction — it’s something I’m working on (see what I did there! Ending a sentence in a preposition!). Baby steps.
*Improper use of “who” and “whom” is also the bane of my existence—largely because, I often forget when to use which (I’ve got the subject of object of the preposition parts down pat; it’s when you throw in a direct object here or there that I began to get bumfuzzled).
*You’ll never find me using text lingo like “cuz” and “b4.” One of the top editors at a magazine I worked for — a highly intelligent woman in her mid-30′s — used to do this, and it’s like she lost IQ points in my mind every time I received a message from her. Also LOL, ROFL and all those other abbreviations for which I don’t know the meaning? NEVER, NEVER, NEVER.
*Nothing makes me more bonkers than people who don’t know the difference between “it’s” and “its.” (“They’re” and “their” and “your” and “you’re” are almost as bad, though not nearly ubiquitous.) It’s not that difficult, people. And yet it absolutely shocks me by how many “journalist” blogs I read that repetitively get it wrong. I’m always tempted to write the poor schmuck and let him/her know the error of his/her ways, because if he/she is doing that in his/her blog, I can only imagine the pitches/manuscripts he/she is submitting to an editor.
*I correct SVV relentlessly on his incorrect usage of “good” and “well.” I’m sure he wants to strangle me with my own ponytail—and I wouldn’t blame him—but I can’t help it. When he asks me for the definition of when to use which, I can’t give him one. It’s one of those things you’re just born knowing, like how to breathe or change a car tire if you’re a dude. But he’ll be happy to find a Strunk & White in his stocking this Christmas that can give a far better explanation than I ever could.
*When singers use “If I was” when it should be “If I were” (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, CLAY AIKEN.) I have so much more respect for Beyonce—pardon me, SASHA FIERCE—these days for appropriately titling her song “If I Were a Boy” according to basic grammatical rules.
*I fact-check and proofread each post approximately 17 times before publishing. Then I want to yank every fingernail out one by one when SVV or my mother call me to report an error they’ve spotted. Considering I spend so much time correcting their own grammar, I think this gives them a secret thrill.
*I utilize the Bible — AKA the AP Stylebook — as much as I can justify, even when blogging. Even though I predominantly write for magazines and Web sites these days, and newspapers are a thing of the past, I cannot muster the tolerance to use Chicago or any other format. For example, a two-year-old vs. two year old? You’ll never find me writing out the first, unless it’s used in adjective form. (I told you, man, I’m WEIRD.)
*ANXIOUS means exhibiting signs of worry about an event that remains uncertain. EAGER implies you are excited and/or looking forward to something. You are not ANXIOUS for your birthday (well, unless you’re turning 40, I suppose, in which case, you have a right). Likewise, you are not EAGER for your upcoming CAT scan. Just sayin’.
*If you’re American, it’s TOWARD, not towards. The same goes for afterward, backward, forward, anyway. (If you’re British, go on and add your “s” and disregard this bullet entirely.)
*Use of “literally” when you mean “figuratively.” Despite what you might think, it was not FIGURATIVELY raining cats and dogs.**
What neuroses do you have to compare? To any writers out there, are there common grammatical mistakes I have failed to mention?
**Thanks to Ali for reminding me of this one, a throwback to our favorite show on Earth, How I Met Your Mother.
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While it may only be a Scottish thing, asking can i lend a pen/pound/tenner has to be one of the most annoying things ever. I’ve never thought of the its and it’s thing before and automatically use them – i even had to look up what the difference was!
We have more in common than I already thought! I stuck with the accounting (CA!) but was all about English courses in high school.
The it’s/its, their/they’re drives me BATTY…as does everything else you have listed
Although I tend to adopt a very informal writing style on my blog and in personal e-mails, I am very obsessed with correct grammer and punctuation. My husband refused to let me proofread his papers in college after I once accused him of loading a shotgun full of commas and simply firing at will on all his defenseless papers.
If you haven’t already read it, check out the book “Eats, Shoots and Leaves” by Lynn Truss. It’s a fantastic book on punctuation and the author is really funny.
Mathletes? I love it! You’re just like Cady. Your personality keeps unfolding like a tender begonia. Also, did you note my proper use of you’re/your? I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
(Also: Um, have you seen Twilight yet? Are you interested in going, even though I’m pretty sure you didn’t like the books? If so, let’s do it up.)
As you know, I’m a proofreader. I wholeheartedly agree with all of your points up there, but eXpescially (see what I did there?) the expresso thing. Pronounce it right, for the love of God!
anywayS.
gives me the freakin’ heebie jeebies.
also, um, pretty much your entire list…although i do make some exceptions on blogs, where i barely write with caps and i end sentences with prepositions.
and, like Miss Robin Scherbatsky, I often misuse “literally”
I’m with you on most of these, minus ending sentences in a preposition. I think they teach us that in school in the Midwest. Because I didn’t realize it until I moved out of Chicago that it was not right.
I proof my posts 17 times too. It takes me longer to proof and edit than it takes me to write it. And I hate when I see an error, even when I know self-editing is hard and there will be mistakes sometimes.
I try to use AP style most times too and sometimes when I’m writing something and say I did something 3 times without writing out three, I get annoyed at myself. Same when people write out ten.
You hit on most of my biggies, though I tend to get more irritated about punctuation than words. I get very irritated at inappropriate use of quotation marks. And I work with a couple of people who are, I swear, allergic to commas. Irritating to read, even more irritating when I have to edit their work. I’ve been tempted on more than one occasion to email them the appropriate pages from the MLA handbook.
Oh, and I hate it when people use semicolons incorrectly. It’s like, c’mon, you don’t NEED to ever use that particular punctuation mark to communicate clearly in English. So step AWAY from the semicolon unless you know how to use it correctly!
My biggest peeve is people who use apostrophes when making something plural!
“I am going to buy some new shoe’s”.
HATE!
I yell (no really – Alex thinks it is hilarious when I correct the TV’s grammar) at the TV when reporters chose to post interviews with natives who have no concept of basic American grammar. ESL – ok sure whatever but locals COME ON. How about overuse of double negatives, saying “pacific” in place of SPECIFIC and don’t even get me started on removing Rs from words where they belong like libRary. Other than that I am okay. I can not spell to save my life and I SUUUUUCK at math. The greatest thing ever is the calculator on my cell. I am sure I end lots of sentences with prepositions but I intend on relearning that when my kids get there in school. I imagine elementary school will be a good refresher for me.
I hate misspellings of any sort!!!! Which is crazy because it happens to everyone. Oh well. Those of us who are crazies must suffer through and pretend like we’re normal.:)
I was in journalism in high school, editor in the paper and yearbook, wrote, typed and edited a book 30 years ago and still I only get totally pissed by one word, “anyways”. The others you mention are all nasty, but for some reason “anyways” bothers me more, possibly because I even hear it from newscasters.
There is a neon sign in the window of a pharmacy in my hometown that says “EXPRESSO”.
I really, really hope they did not pay full price for that damn neon sign.
I’m glad there’s people like you to keep people like me in line!
You’d be delighted to know, someone emailed your post to me. I can relate to several points you’ve made.
To add to everything else, have you noticed how people do not know how to use ‘apparently’? It’s used at the drop of a hat… even when it is not so apparent! Almost like a replacement to ‘basically’, which itself is a dubious word.
The world is showing all signs of grammatical deprivation! I spend hours editing essays & such for friends who’re applying to colleges.
As for my own blog – I hardly get time to edit these days before I post
Quite depressing. To make things worse, I have a couple of readers who point out my errors – hey, you repeated a word. [At which point I pass out!]
Also, usage of ‘a couple’ in the place of ‘few’ is undeniably PAINFUL!
I actually hate the overuse of the word “actually” to start a sentence, as if everything else these people say to you is a lie, and therefore not actual at all! I also can’t stand the mixing up of tenses e.g. “I had brought this with me…” Being a stickler for grammar through public school education was an experience in itself.
- from a fellow Math Olympian
eXpress kills me.
When people say “intensive purposes” instead of “intents and purposes”. What the heck does “intensive purposes” even MEAN?! Have people not bothered to THINK about what they’re saying?!
Also: Weary vs. Wary. So. Flippin. Different. In no way interchangeable!
(It seems though that I have no problem with sentence fragments)
I never used to use text abbreviations because it’s soooo annoying. What’s even more annoying though is that my phone only lets me text 160 characters so I gave in to the evil shortening words. I’ll keep that in mind when I text you though
.
I do think punctuation and wording is important in texting. “Yes! That’ll work perfect!” sounds much more enthusiastic than “Yeah that’s fine”. The latter bugs the crap out of me and leaves me feeling like they really had something else to say but didn’t say it.
I’ll have to research was/were a little more. Now I’m not sure if I’ve been using those correctly!
My pet peeves when I read other’s writing are spelling errors and no capitalization. It’s hard for me to follow what they are saying!
In my own writing, I can’t stand when I use the word just, when I mix up tenses like Exposed mentioned, or when I use too many words to say something that could be said in way fewer words (like I probably did now!). And, yes, I tried to use just two more times when writing this.
So, how the heck do you post AND write articles so much if you check EVERYthing you write 17 times? I had to stop super-editing my posts because it would take me three hours to post each one!! Now that I’ve spent way too long editing this comment 17 times and turning it into a post I must go.
I agree with EVERYTHING you said. My personal peeve is a local, Southern expression where people end their sentence with “at”. Where is it at? AUGH! Hate it. I also proofread my posts multiple posts, do a spellcheck and then have my sister proofread and send me corrections, which I go back and fix. Not that I’m anal or anything.